I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
