arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
My cat gives me a boner
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
