who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
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She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
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The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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