If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
