I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
we're so committed to being not committed
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
