went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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