Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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