So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
4 words: hood of his car
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
