weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Randomize
