If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Four minutes until I can fart!
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
not ubering you a puppy
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.