Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
