guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".