When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize