Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize