awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
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