alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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