you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Randomize
