I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
