he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
