just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
