Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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