Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
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I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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