sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
