remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I got inside last night via doggy door
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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