i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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