i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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