you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
