even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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