I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
My vagina just clenched in fear
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