3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Soap is not a condiment
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
His hands were made for my vagina.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
