last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
The uberlube is also flammable
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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