Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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