I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
