How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
How external is "for external use only"?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
