I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
