You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize