That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
