I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
