the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
