Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
you will always have a special place in my vag
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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