I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
