I could make wine with my vomit
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
