The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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