Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
