im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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