They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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