On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
