hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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