I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
