yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
