I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
