apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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