I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He felt like a one man threesome
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You pole danced in your parka.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
