i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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