hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
