I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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