return my video game
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
