Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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