and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
