I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
