my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
