I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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